Practicing presence ... for busy mums!

I see you, mama, running that household, keeping those kids alive, fed and (semi) clean is no small feat. You are an amazing mum, you work hard, you get the job done and you’ve been doing it for a while… but it’s taking it’s toll isn’t it?

As women, we are hard-wired to nurture and take care of everyone else’s needs before our own but we no longer live in a tribal setting where we take turns at nurturing each other and we have each other’s backs. We live in semi-isolation and are expected to do all the damn things and still appear to have it together.

It’s exhausting and it’s unkind. Not just to you but to all of humankind: we are setting ourselves up with completely unrealistic and unsustainable expectations… and we are modeling that for our children.

Basically, we are showing them that being human means being constantly busy and stressed so that’s what they will carry on as a pattern in their own lives. If you are reading this, I know that you are one of those epic human beings who is ready to make a change on a personal level and, in doing so, help shift this insane paradigm. So for that, my friend, I give you a massive high-five, hug, kiss and heart-felt thank you! And now, please read on as I have some solid strategies for you to make a powerful change in your life and your family.

1. Cultivate consistency

The mind loves what is familiar. We basically learn how the world works by seeking patterns so even though consistency may seem a little ambitious for some of the more chaotic aspects of life, here’s how we do it: we start small.

Create micro-routines that serve you well, then build on them.

You already have routines that you may not be consciously aware of because you have executed them countless times and they have become automatic, you don’t have to think about them any more… the trick is to create automatic patterns for yourself that will serve you. Kids love consistency, the predictability of a routine creates a sense of safety. They know what to expect so they can relax into the familiarity of it.

Be aware that at first, there may be a little resistance (ok, sometimes a lot!) but hold your ground mama, you are in this for the long run and a tantrum here and there right now will pay off when the routine is established and you don’t have to fight and yell to get them to brush teeth before bed.

2. Practice presence

We get very easily overwhelmed as adults because we have been trained to live in anticipation of everything that could possibly go wrong rather than being present. Kids, on the other hand, are mindful by nature. I strongly believe that mindful and present is our natural state but we are conditioned out of it.

It’s our responsibility to unravel this conditioning to avoid passing on our own stress and anxiety to our children.

Remember, they learn how to be human by watching us! It takes time and effort to un-learn what we were taught but the rewards come in the form of joy, inner peace and deep meaningful connection… so you tell me, is it worth it?

A great way to ground into the present moment is to practice breathwork. Please do not discount the simplicity of breathwork, it is truly transformational to integrate this to your daily routine. Start by just taking a few conscious breaths when you feel overwhelmed and notice how this shifts your energy and focus… once you notice this, you’ll want to tap into this free resource a lot more, trust me!

3. Identify the (real) issue

When we get stressed and overwhelmed, we get angry. It’s a natural human response so let’s just ditch the self-judgement for a minute and stop beating ourselves up for being human.

That said, it can be helpful to understand that anger is a secondary emotion, it’s purpose is to give us the illusion of control by masking an uncomfortable emotion such as sadness or fear.

Understand that anger is a secondary emotion, it’s purpose is to give us the illusion of control by masking an uncomfortable emotion such as sadness or fear.

When we expand our consciousness and develop our self-awareness, we can gain some perspective on the real issue and resolve it. Once the core issue is resolved, the symptoms are relieved, it’s really as simple as that. We all have our own individual emotional wounds that can be triggered by every day events that have no obvious connection at first, but the more you practice self-observation and self awareness, the more your reactions will make sense and you will become empowered by your own ability to respond rather than react.

To discuss how I may assist you in uncovering the core issue and healing on a subconscious level, get in touch here.

By creating deliberate routines and remaining consistent, our children will be able to navigate life in a predictable and safe environment.

By making a conscious effort to be present, we teach our children that they matter, are loved and deserve our undivided attention, thus building a solid foundation for our family relationships.

The practice of self-observation enables us to uncover the true reason for our reactivity and give us the powerful opportunity to heal the core wounding that is manifesting in our current life as overwhelm. By developing our self-awareness, we start to heal on a deep level and cultivate the inner peace that we so desperately crave and mistakenly seek in the outside world.

We are all subject to the conditioning of our societal upbringing. It can be tempting to blame our environment and the individuals who raised us, but the truth is that we cannot teach what we do not know. Ultimately, it’s our responsibility and privilege to aspire to do better and spare our children the burden of our unconsciousness and in reading this, you have already taken a step towards a more expanded perspective.

I would love to invite you take a deep breath and acknowledge that you have been doing your best and no one (including yourself) could ever expect more of you. Navigating these times is challenging to say the least. As human beings, we are evolving at a speed that has never occurred before and it’s perfectly acceptable and normal to feel overwhelmed, especially when confronted with miniature versions of ourselves running around, applying pressure in all kinds of unexpected ways.

But you are here because you are an amazing caring parent and you aspire at doing even better so, from one parent to another, I thank you for doing your part and contributing positively to the next generation. If I can further support you in any way, please don’t hesitate to reach out, In the meantime, you got this!

check out Calm + Connected, my 4 week course where I guide you through the practices and tolls that changed my life

(click here for more info)

With so much love,

x Cha.