Turning Grief into Healing

Twenty years ago, i lost someone i loved. it wasn’t my first experience of grief neither was it my last. but in so many ways that i found difficult to comprehend, it was the worst.

He died in a tragic accident. A tourist driving on the wrong side of the road on a windy country lane, a high speed collision and that was the end of it all., so to speak. The news knocked the air out of my lungs for weeks, months even. We were in love, it was complicated,, it was fast, intense, passionate and then… gone.

While other friends and family were drowning in despair and anger, I could feel nothing but compassion for the other driver. I could not imagine how one could live with the weight of the guilt… it was an accident, an innocent yet cataclysmic event. I could not bring myself to feel anger, just compassion laced with deep numbness.

i didn’t know then what i know now. i didn’t yet consciously understand how the Soul fragments when it experiences such intense suffering. I had lost him… our connection was much deeper that the three months that we spent falling into each other. And it didn’t end with his passing.

But it took me 20 years to understand the Soul lesson.

Every year, on this date, i tried to not think about it, i tried to push away the pain with various tactics. often, this included a ridiculous amount of red wine and loud music. Often leading to sobbing on the floor of the shower.

Every person we encounter brings us a gift. This gift is not alway seen for what it is. it can often be mistaken for a nuisance, suffering or distraction… but in time, we get the opportunity to rise above the situation and see the Truth.

My encounter with this human was one of many soul encounters and always had the purpose of awakening me to Love.

In this lifetime, he demonstrated to me what a soul connection felt like, giving me the opportunity to recognise it throughout my life. He also showed me my own magnificence, without being theatrical or overly romantic about it, he just saw my truth and loved me, just as that.

It took me 20 years to realise that he entered my life to awaken my heart. Being a talented drummer, the rhythmic vibration reached deep my Soul to remind me of who i really was and until i was ready to acknowledge my truth, i cut myself off from the flow of healing that was available to me all along.

Today I sat and for the first time, felt the love, the gratitude, the beauty of the bigger picture. One where I was handed an opportunity to awaken… I chose to resist. I chose to suffer. i chose to ignore.

And today, I choose differently. i choose to see myself in all that i am, just like he did.

Much love, Cha.

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